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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this video we are going to talk relationship advice all right so let's talk a little bit about relationships and what I want to do in this video is give you some deep insights some deep advice about relationships how do you create a situation in your life where you have a deep fulfilling successful relationship and what I'm gonna do in this video is going to give you some deep wisdom some stuff you might not want to hear alright this is how it actually has to happen and I'm going to go to some of the problems and some of the reasons why people go about this completely the wrong way if you've been struggling to create a good happy relationship then it's going to be coming immediately obvious to you why this is we're going to touch on the root deep root causes alright so when I when I started to really study sexuality and dating and relationships the way started to do that was by getting involved with the pickup community now people hear this and they say oh pickup community pickup that's weird what are you doing you're a player this is stupid how can you be doing this stuff alright so I'm going to cover that in other videos I'm not going to get into that that's a very very deep topic but what I want to say is that the reason that I actually got into pickup was because of this problem that I saw there is a problem in society alright this is a problem that applies to you no matter who you are what gender what race what country you're in what age anything if you want a successful intimate relationship then you're going to have to deal with the harsh reality that we have a forty percent divorce rate at a minimum forty percent divorce rate not only that but the people that still stay married 60 to the 60 percent that do stay married a large majority of them are married but miserable and the people that get divorced or are just not even in a mare Ridge but are simply in long-term relationships or any kind of relationship a lot of those are dysfunctional as well so when you see that when I see that I tell myself Wow okay so clearly something is amiss here something is awry and the way that people are dealing with relationships the way they're managing their relationships the way they're approaching them is fundamentally flawed can we agree on that that it's fundamentally flawed if the overwhelming majority of everyone in the world is struggling with this issue and is in a dysfunctional relationship or does a relationship that has to end and end in some sort of bitter divorce can we assume that well this is why I got into pickup because ultimately I didn't get into pickup for sex that's why most people get it to pickup it's like a guy he's young he wants to have some sex he wants to bang a bunch of hot girls so he gets to pick up that's not really why I got into pickup I wanted to pick up for personal development reasons and I got into pickup because I saw that what I wanted is a goal for myself you know I go for myself I said what I really want is I want a really amazing girlfriend I want someone that I can be really compatible with and I want to be able to manage that in an excellent way I want to have a relationship that's extraordinary and that's not the kind of relationship that I see other people having I didn't see my parents having it I didn't see any of my friends parents having it I didn't see it happening in the movies I didn't see it happening in popular cultures I didn't see celebrities having it so anywhere you look you see examples of massive failure ways not to do it so what I said to myself is okay wait a minute so if I really want to have a successful relationship then I have to start addressing some of these problems because clearly if I just do what other people do I'm going to get the kind of results that they've gotten and I'm not satisfied at all with that kind of life so for me I said okay I got to do something different so I turned to pick up I started to explore a lot of stuff eventually found pickup got into that learned so so much but ultimately where that was coming from was to understand and I knew that to really master this relationship situation to create an amazing relationship to have a nice girlfriend to maybe get married at one point and actually keep it happy and long-lasting the only way I could do that is if I applied massive massive intellect to the process massive amounts of consciousness and practice and experience that's the only way it can happen and that's my relationship advice to you is if you want a really excellent relationship you have to start to take it very seriously all right I find most people take relationships very casually in the sense that they like they don't study they don't try to learn about how to actually create a successful relationship they just assume that they're a master at it already they just assume that they know how to love they know what love is they know they know what sex is they know how to have sex they know how to communicate they know how to manage emotions they know everything they soon they're an expert when in fact they know nothing and so this ignorance keeps them totally in the dark and it keeps that cycle of dysfunctional and broken relationship happening again and again and again you know it's an interesting statistic that of the people that do get divorced those same people if they remarry their chances of divorce actually increase and that's called second divorces so second divorces are actually more likely to happen if you've already been divorced and actually what happens that if you need to get divorced twice the chance that you get married again and get divorced is even higher so basically people are getting divorced and they're becoming stupider and stupider in the process so it's not that they're getting more successful they're getting even less successful it's a crazy crazy world crazy statistic so with that being the case you know you have to really teach yourself don't assume that you know what a good relationship is don't assume you know anything about relationships because honestly you don't you're not born knowing how to create good relationships that's not how it is right and just because you've been with a high-school sweetheart or you dated a few people does not make you a relationship expert chances are that unless you've heavily studied relationships and sexuality then you know very very little about the psychology of the opposite sex you know very little about female psychology and you know very little about male psychology if you're if you're the opposite sex they're guys know very little about girls and girls very little about guys and because we don't understand each other it's very difficult to have a successful relationship so the solution here is to study it right if you wanted to become an excellent golfer what would you do if you want to become a professional golfer someone that could rival Tiger Woods what would you do would you just pick up a club and start swinging away and expect to become Tiger Woods or would you start like cracking books and going and finding coaches and tutors to help you understand how the game works and practicing your ass off and really dedicating yourself to it right you would do that right you would commit to a path of mastery now if you wanted to become an engineer how would you become an engineer would you become an engineer by by simply sitting at home and building little things on your you know in your little workshop or would you start cracking open books and you would spend years learning physics and chemistry and mathematics and advanced calculus and then going and getting a degree in engineering and then maybe getting a master's degree in engineering and then going and doing an internship at an engineering company and learning the whole process of how engineering works and then actually getting a job as a as a certified engineer right which one of those is a better path towards mastering engineering right it's the second it's the mastery process right the path of mastery you're not going to get good by just assuming you're already good engineer or good golfer and likewise with the relationship if you want to be good in a relationship you have to study you have to study sexuality if to study the opposite sexes psychology you have to study your own psychology you have to study the problems that are common in relationships all the common pitfalls you have to work deeply on yourself to start to fix all the potential hang-ups that could sabotage your relationship and this is ultimately my advice for you is start to look at your relationship as something that's very serious something that you're going to master someone something you're going to really study apply a lot of conscious conscious effort to and ultimately the way that you're going to fix your relationship is by fixing yourself you cannot control the other person this is one of the things are going to learn when you start to study the psychology other people is that you're going to learn that controlling other people is a huge waste of time and it's not going to work the only thing you can control is yourself the only thing you can change is your own psychology and if you keep getting into dysfunctional relationships and they keep failing it's not because other people are bad it's because your psychology is sabotaging you so you have to commit to personal development that's what I did that's why I got it - pick up pick up actually if you start to do pick up correctly there's a lot of methods of doing pick up that is incorrect and I don't have a cake but if you start doing it correctly what you're going to do is you're gonna do a lot of deep inner personal development work because you have to which you realize if you go out and you try a couple of pickup lines little gimmicks is you realize that actually women don't respond to that and you're not going to get laid from that the only way they're going to get laid and then get a relationship and potentially a marriage the only way that's going to happen is if you start to work on yourself so if you're coming from place where you're very deficient like I was with women and with dating you'll understand anything and you can't get a date to save your life then you have to admit to yourself well dammit I don't really know enough I'm not confident I'm not I'm not doing things correctly I'm screwing something up in the process and when you realize that they say oh okay so there's something wrong with me I have to go and start to fix and start to improve my understanding and so that's what I did is I went through a long grueling two-year process and I'm still going through it of increasing my understanding and direct experience with the opposite sex and all that ultimately came back to me it was about improving me to get into a better relationship to get a better quality girl to get a better quality man the way that you do that is by working on yourself personal develop that Sall you need you don't need anything else you need knowledge and understanding of relationships and then you need to work on yourself here's what you should work on you should work on the following things number one is you should work on your sexual abundance you have to be abundant you cannot be in scarcity mode and being a successful relationship so that means that if you're super needy and you have no options with the opposite sex at all and you just happen to get lucky one day and one day some guy or some girl comes up to you and you strike up a conversation you fall madly in love that might seem like oh you got saved actually you didn't get saved at all because your neediness the lack of abundance that you have is going to manifest and it's going to creep into that relationship and it's going to totally destroy it no chance in hell at all that's stuff that you see in movies those romantic comedies or just two people bump into each other and maybe you have some like desperate girl or some desperate guy and they bump into each other and they're there their life is just this beautiful romance never ever going to happen in real life in real life what happens is that when you've got a desperate guy or Dutch girl they come together what happens that desperation it seeks in there and it talks af-- eyes the relationship and it basically completely destroys it that's why you need to have abundance you need to have options you cannot be in scarcity you can't be in a successful relationship all the while fearing that if that person leaves you then you're or not find as the case may be you cannot maintain a successful rationally it's too much pressure that pressure will kill you it will destroy the relationship so you have to create abundance work on yourself to create that abundance you can do that by going out and socializing more building a bigger social circle doing pick up going bars and clubs you know whatever there's a million different ways I'm not going to get into all that here the next thing is finances get your finances in order get your career in order to get your business in order I think the number two reason I was looking at the statistics the number two reason that people get divorced is because of financial difficulties financial problems finance creates a lot of tension in a relationship if you are strapped for money or the other person strapped for money or you cannot handle your money or you waste it to frivolously or you're too stingy with it and the other person is too deal-breaker the relationship is going to end it's going to be very very miserable so you want to make sure that you have a good understanding of money good grasp of your financial situation you can handle your money well so that you're not dysfunctional in that area of your life many ways to do that that I won't cover here next is your health you need to take care of your health that means nutrition and and fitness nutrition and gym right whether you're a guy or girl this applies to you if you have bad health it's going to it's going to start to sabotage your relationship as well in all sorts of ways if you're a woman it's going to become problematic because guys are very visually oriented and if you start to let your health slide then guy just might simply leave you if you're a guy and you start to let your health deteriorate well I mean there's there's all sorts of different problems or to come up with that you sort of get low energy all of a sudden you can't do exciting stuff anymore oh with your with your girl and then what happens is that you you you basically start to distance from each other and she loses attraction for you or some sort of other tensions are created because of health lack of fitness and the lack of nutrition so that's a one you have to look out for and the other stuff is the the psychology you have to start to work on your psychology you have to really take a look at any kind of limiting beliefs or any kind of serious psychological hang-ups that you have because those are going to get amplified in a relationship tenfold it's going to totally blow up the relationship if for example you have anxiety if you have anger problems if you have childhood issues if you have severe irrational you know paranoia obsessive-compulsive disorder - any kind of neurotic behavior basically when you're with somebody and you're with them for a long time that neurotic behavior starts to manifest itself in so many nasty ways that it it toxify that relationship makes it impossible to have one so so those are some of the areas in your life and they're probably more I'm not going to cover all of them here these are some of the pillars that you got to cover to maintain a healthy relationship so this is ultimately my advice to you do personal development take relationships very seriously and put the burden of responsibility on yourself it's not luck that's going to create a good relationship there are no lucky good relationships it's not going to happen by luck it's not just going to magically happen and you're not an expert unless you study this stuff and you really analyze all this stuff and done a lot of introspection and even if you have done all that and you yourself have no personal self control if you're anxious if you're prone to anger childhood issues you're bad with your finances you have no other options you're neurotic in all sorts of different ways man it's it's impossible the best person in the world Jesus Christ himself if he was resurrected and was in a relationship with you he could not make it work all right so you have to realize that realize that it's so important so this is the the core fundamental of relationship advice right it's not a little trick it's not some little technique it's not something you read in Cosmo magazine this is it this is the deep wisdom now this also means you have to do a lot of work right the amount of work that I've put into understanding the opposite sex is obscene it would literally disgust you to know everything that I've done to do it I literally bled for it I've literally invested hundreds of hours studying I've invested thousands of hours in the field practicing this stuff doing it and I'm still not at the level that I feel I need to be at to maintain a successful relationship so it takes a lot but you know what if relationships are important to you if you really value that in your life if you think that you need love and companionship and you want that to work out well then then this is what you got to do then it's worth it right you're not going to get something of true value for nothing the things that are really worthwhile in life you have to put a little bit of effort into you have to put a little bit of consciousness into you have to commit to some sort of mastery process and that's what I'm encouraging you to do with your relationships all right this is Leo signing off this what I have to say about relationships go ahead post me your comments down below I'd love to hear what you guys think about this this issue especially it's very fascinating to me and go ahead and like this and share it click the like button right now if you did and and then of course come check out actualized org sign up to my newsletter I release new videos new articles other goodies every single week all for free I'm releasing that stuff because I want to help you get on track with your dreams what I found is that to create an extraordinary life whether it's with relationships or money or fitness or health or your career or anything to do that you need to really get on board and become a hobbyist of personal development start to master your own psychology the best way to do that is to to keep yourself on track in a steady way don't just watch one video one video is not going to fix you it's not really change your life but through a gradual process of watching a video every other week or watching a few videos here and there going out taking some action doing some exercises that kind of process that kind of process can create an extraordinary level of quality in life multiplied over months and years so that's really what I want you to kind of buy into so go ahead and sign up with actualize that or because we make it very easy to stay on track with your dreams you